Mental illness is extremely misunderstood. People think it defines us as crazy, attention-seekers or anything else they can come up with that makes having a mental illness a bad thing. The truth is Mental illness is a part of us. There is no escaping it. There is only managing it. Having a mental illness isn’t a bad thing. There are days that I wish I didn’t struggle so much but I force myself to focus on why it is a good thing. Yes, it has some negative side effects but it does have some positive ones.
The negative parts
- We have to fight harder to get through each day.
- We have a harder time with relationships.
- We have a hard time understanding ourselves sometimes.
The positive parts:
- We know we can survive almost anything.
- We know how to love unconditionally.
- We know what true empathy is.
- We work hard on ourselves compared to blaming others for our problems.
Mental illness doesn’t define who you are. Only you can define who you are. Mistakes you have made don’t define who you are. Having a mental illness and making mistakes help you to grow as a person. Because of my BPD, I am more understanding and open to other people. I am more open to improving myself and my environment to get what I need to be the healthiest I can be. It makes me more responsible and a very hard-worker. It helps me to understand others emotions and what they are going through. All together it makes me a better and much stronger person.
As a young mom, I have received tons of negativity from family and from people I don’t know. I use to be hurt by people who didn’t approve of me being a young mom but it didn’t take me long to realize the advantages that come with being a young mom.
- I learn life lessons earlier.
My son has taught me so much about life and about myself. He has helped me be more responsible and more aware of everything. I learned what is important in life. I don’t waste my time on the drama that other twenty-year old’s do. I know who my biggest supporters are now rather than later.
- I get to spend more time with my son.
Having my son earlier allows me to cherish him for longer and allows me to watch him grow up longer.
- I can relate easier to my son.
When my son goes through things when he is older, I will be able to relate more because I remember how I felt at his age. As you get older you forget some of the ways you felt when you were younger and each generation is different.
- My son will have active grandparents.
Once my son has kids, I will have the energy to keep up with them. I won’t get exhausted as easily and will hopefully still have good physical health so I can run around with them.
- I have plenty of energy.
Having my son at 19 has been great in many ways but I am grateful I can keep up with him. He has so much energy that I am sure if I was older, I would get exhausted a lot quicker.
As a mom, I put a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. Every day I spend time teaching, reading, playing, cooking, cleaning, bathing and potty training my son and by the end of the day I am exhausted. It is a routine I have gotten in. I want to give my son everything I have and more but some days I am so exhausted that I can’t enjoy the time I spend on my son. I have tried many different things to help me get out of a mommy burnout. The best one being Yoga. I love Yoga. It calms my mind, relaxes my body, gives me a little workout, and it gives me more energy. My goal that I strive for is yoga morning and night. Sometimes that is impossible though. some days I don’t want to get out of bed early to do my yoga and other times I just want to go to bed at night. That’s why I stopped using nap time for cleaning time. I decided my mental health was more important than spending that hour and a half on cleaning. Whether I do yoga, journal, or just sit down and watch some t.v. I take that time for myself. I am very big on self-care. If I didn’t start learning about all of this a year ago, I probably would have gone crazy already. Here is a list of to help with mommy burnout:
- Practice self-care!!
- Ignore the negativity from other people about your parenting, house, ect..
- Remind yourself of the positive aspects of having a child.
- Spend time with kid lovers.
- Celebrate achievements no matter how small.
- Remember that it’s okay not to be the “perfect”parent. Children just want to know they are loved. Being loved is more important than having the “perfect” parent.
I know a lot of people hate Mondays. It is the start of a busy week with work, kids,and everything else on your busy schedule. But just because it’s Monday doesn’t mean you can’t have the best day. It doesn’t mean you can’t shine your brightest. Nothing can hold you back from being your best except you. Dreading about it being Monday or about other problems going on in your life doesn’t add to your brightest self. If today is a stressful day, take a break. Even if you can only spare one minute, take that minute to breathe. Take a moment to remember goals you are working toward, focus on what makes you different from everyone else, and focus on what motivates you. No one can take any of that away from you. If you can focus on your goals and what helps motivate you, you have noting standing in your way of sparkling. So choose to shine bright even at the darkest of times, even if today is your worst day, choose to shine bright and stay motivated to reach your goals. Nothing and no one can stop you if you choose to shine your brightest.
One major thing going on in my life is I have been trying to figure out who my subconscious is trying to warn me about. I have been having dreams that I have been interpreting from a book, my horoscope has been warning me of this person, and so has my tarot readings. Here are some of the interpretations from my dreams, horoscope and my tarot readings have been warning me about:
- Someone being unauthentic
- I have trouble expresses myself to this person.
- I desire a relationship.
- This person drives me to be self-destructive.
- I underestimate this person.
- This person needs to heal physically, mentally, or spiritually because they are spiritually holding me back.
- I need to let go.
For the past couple of months, I have been trying to really pay attention to people and how they react to me and my achievements. Today was the day the answer finally came. It saddens me because I really wanted this person to be part of my life but also because this person will never grow. I don’t think she realizes how unhealthy mentally and spiritually she is. I have been looking at myself and at our relationship from the beginning and I realize that I am very good at ignoring all the signs. There have been many times when I should have walked away. A normal person would have. I have the tendency to want to save everyone. I want to help everyone overcome their challenges, face their fears and grow as a person.
The one thing that really catches my eye is that this person is holding me back spiritually. I have been going over every little detail in my mind and realized it is true. I start to grow as a person then I get pulled back and the cycle repeats constantly. One incident with this person was when she was going through something, she always wanted me there. But if I was going through something it didn’t matter. She will say a couple words about it but won’t try to help me through it like I have been helping her with her problems. A little bit after that incident I said something about it and it became my fault that I was hurt by her actions. Looking at it now It was my fault for allowing her to hurt me once again. This person has hurt me multiple times and she has never accepted responsibility for any of her actions. So, after the first couple of times, it is on me for allowing myself to be hurt after all this time.
People who are like this won’t ever change. My advice is run for the hills (no pun intended). Also, trust your intuition, dreams and any other signs you get that tell you to walk away because if not they will hold you back. You deserve more than that. You deserve to grow as a person, to achieve whatever it is you want in life, and to simply be happy. Don’t do what I have done and let one person hold you back from being the best that you can be. Choose to stay on your own path and don’t take less than you deserve.
One thing I have been working on for myself is bettering relationships. It takes a lot of work and a lot of time to balance a relationship. For me, I am a giver in relationships. I give until I have nothing left and unfortunately I don’t always get something back. I am there to help people through their problems, when they want to talk about something random, and when they just need someone to just be there for them. I have very few people give that same kindness and acceptance back. People love to take. There is nothing wrong with that if you’re giving also but if you are just taking, it’s not a balanced relationship. Then there’s the people who just give, like myself. There is nothing wrong with that, but we are left with no energy and no time for ourselves.
There is one person that takes everything from me. My achievements don’t mean anything to her. She will congratulate me or say good job but that is all. When she has an achievement, I get excited and I want to know all about her achievement. I will admit it hurts that she can’t give me the same excitement that I give her but Its a pattern that has been going on for a while now. Another thing she does is talks to me about her life issues. I don’t mind that at all. I am glad she feels she can come to me with personal stuff but I can’t share my life issues with her. She is not very empathetic when it comes to me and the problems I face in life. When I am there for a person I listen. I want the person to feel heard and to feel understood even if I can fully understand what the person is going through. Every now and then I suggest solutions and what the outcome could be. When she is there for a person she talks more. She is judgemental and makes you feel worse about a situation that you did before. She gives advice and if you don’t take it she gets upset. This isn’t a very healthy, balanced relationship. Another problem we have in our relationship is assuming and blaming.I have the tendency to take things personally but I am willing to hear her side of what happened. I am open to understanding another person’s actions. If I take something personally, I get upset but I try to understand the meaning behind the other person’s actions. She does not. She assume she knows exactly why I did something or exactly why I said something. She doesn’t try to understand and that leads to blaming. In my view, assumptions and blaming are what can kill a relationship. It is very important to take responsibility for your actions but also your feelings. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Which means I am highly sensitive to feelings of abandonment or dislike. Certain actions from people cause me to feel that they dislike me or don’t want to be around me and a lot of the time it is something completely different. So that is my problem. I admit when I am wrong. I find that to be really respectful. When blaming gets involved things take a different turn. This other person loves to play the blame game. It goes from blaming to disrespect really fast. it becomes a way for this person to hurt me because she is hurt that I felt hurt from something she did. There are a lot of nasty words said and mean comments that can’t be taken back. It is very important to have emotional intelligence or some kind of emotional control when it comes to relationships. My tendency to assume the worst about certain actions does affect my relationships. I think it causes people to walk on eggshells around me. Her tendency to blame causes tons of chaos that isn’t necessary.
Here is a list of healthy and unhealthy Relationships:
- Accepting each other without judgement.
- Giving the benefit of the doubt.
- Supporting each other even if you don’t agree.
- Asking not expecting
- Willing to compromise
- Admit mistakes.
- Accepts responsibility for own behavior and attitude.
- Expresses self in a healthy way.
- Feeling safe to communicate openly.
- Trying to change the other person.
- Criticize, judge and disrespect each other.
- Assumptions about other’s actions and thoughts.
- Opinions are dismissed.
- There is no compromise. It’s either win or lose.
- Blames other’s for their mistakes.
- Blames others for their behavior and attitude.
- Expresses self aggressively.
- Not safe to openly communicate.
Self care is very important but I think a lot of people see it as taking care of just their needs. Self care is more than that. It is about feeding your soul. Giving yourself a reason to enjoy life instead of doing the same boring thing that causes a burnout. I try to do at least one to three different self care activities a day. Here are a list of some of the things that I do:
- Taking a walk
- Drinking a cup of hot tea
- Loving on pets
- Playing an instrument
- Sitting in nature
- Eating a small treat(ex. chocolate)
- Buying something you have been wanting
- Take a bubble bath
- watch a movie
- Cook a fancy dinner or go out to eat
- Give yourself a spa day at home
“Our soul is like a soft and gentle flower, it needs to be nurtured, cared for, tended to, with sufficient sunlight, fresh air, and freedom to bloom into its most precious and beautiful form. This, my friend, is self-love.”